●ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA SYRIA FORM AXIS OF
JUST AS EVIL
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations
Start Own Clubs Beijing (SatireWire.com) Bitter after being
snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis
of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than
that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of
his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis
as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They
are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean
leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils...
best at being evil... we're the best." Diplomats from Syria
denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they
conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President
Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three
countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only
have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
●THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere,
peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what
became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia
said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia
to join with Ugand and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil,
while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not
So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and
Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice
But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain,
Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That
Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a
threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish
Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most
axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of
Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of
its members of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel,
meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked
them.
＜要約＞
悪の枢軸：北朝鮮、イラン、イラク
本家・悪の枢軸：リビア、中国、シリア
ある程度・悪の枢軸：キューバ、スーダン、セルビア
ときどき・悪の枢軸：ソマリア、ウガンダ、ミャンマー
ホントはそんなにひどくないけど悪の枢軸：ブルガリア、インドネシア、ロシア
最悪じゃないけど、でもやっぱり五輪開催国にはなれそうもない枢軸：シエラレオネ、エルサルバドル、ルワンダ
いい感じなんだけど、密かにアメリカに対して良からぬ考えを持っている枢軸：カナダ、メキシコ、オーストラリア
羊に口紅してもいいじゃないか枢軸（？）：スペイン、スコットランド、ニュージーランド
名前の最後が「グアイ」で終わる枢軸：パラグアイ、ウルグアイ、チャドグアイ（Ｘ）
編集者敬白
ジョーク一欄へ